I got big news today. Bad news when looking at the short term, hopeful and positive when looking farther into the future. Right now I’m mostly fucking irritated.

The company I work for is dissolving my department. Based on the severance package I received I have around 100 days left before my position is gone. There is a chance I’ll be able to move into another department and stay with the company, but nearly 100 of my coworkers are also looking for jobs. As well as anyone else who wants to change roles, get into the business, whatever. The head of the company (at minimum, probably more) have known about this for a long time and yet we were only told about it today. That’s the part I find most frustrating- I should have been told, in definite terms, to start seriously looking MONTHS ago. I know very few companies that hire within 100 days of receiving an application so there is a chance I’ll be without a job come February.

I’ve been working on Dave Ramsey’s Seven Baby Steps so I have plenty in savings to cover me for several months if I need it. I have an INCREDIBLE network of friends who rallied around me today and let me vent and endlessly bitch while they brought me lunch or Boba tea. Today has made me realize what a great tribe I have and for that I’ll always be thankful.

During the Last 90 Days livestream this morning someone said a setback is just a set up. I really liked that. I’m using this news to mark this day as a setback that will motivate me into really getting my shit together about a new job. I don’t want to leave my current city (I live 20 minutes from the beach. Can you blame me??) and that has held me back from possible jobs that are further inland. This city is small as it is and after today, it feels absolutely tiny.

I think my favorite part today is realizing that maybe this is life’s way of telling me something. For the last few days I switched my “Goal I Achieved First” goal from giving my favorite high school teacher a copy of my books to one that was much more important just because of how it would affect my entire life. I’ve been writing “I have a flexible and rewarding $100k/yr job” and some details about that job for maybe 3 or 4 days. To receive a severance package after dreaming about a better job has helped me SO MUCH in my mental mindset about this whole shit show. Today I will be angrily hitting the bag at kickboxing so tomorrow I can start fresh with contacting other departments about possible job opportunities. Tonight I’ll be raging that I can’t eat fuckin’ chocolate but I promised myself at the beginning of this month that I wouldn’t. I keep promises to myself, even when they’re shit-tastic and not what I want to do at the moment. I’m going to work up, not around. I will use this opportunity to push myself beyond my comfort zone because growth doesn’t happen without discomfort.

This mental attitude isn’t natural for me. I deal with anxiety and panic disorders so my initial first response was ”Oh fuck-” and I could feel my brain telling me to freak out. I’m working on not letting that initial reaction take over without consciously thinking about what I’m doing. It worked today in the meeting, so that’s a plus.

I’m planning on spending the rest of the evening working out, reading, maybe watching a hockey game if there’s one on that looks good. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some words out for my novel as I’ve barely done any of my planned goals for the last 15 days. Tonight is about centering me for a stronger tomorrow- time for my setUP to rise UP!