Note schedule change- I’m updating Wednesdays and Saturdays

Last week I went to Harris Teeter to grab a cake for the Pride group I’m in at work. To get to the bakery I had to walk past the refrigerators containing single sodas. Normally, I’d stop, get a White Monster, and continue on to get a massive sheet cake that must have weighed nearly 40 lbs. I found myself heading toward the fridges even though I hadn’t consciously decided to get a Monster. I didn’t even really want one; I wasn’t thirsty, tired, or particularly longing for the carbonation. I’d also already had my one permitted soda earlier that afternoon, so even if I did buy a drink, I couldn’t open it until the next day anyway.

It was bizarre to notice my body and subconscious mind’s unhappiness with my decision to go empty-handed to the bakery. I felt like I was missing something as I went to checkout, to the point I stopped my cart and checked I had my wallet, phone, keys, and work ID before going to checkout. Once I got in my car (the cake wouldn’t fit in my front seat so I had to prop it on top of my massage table and some rolled-up yoga mats and hold it in place for the 15 minute drive back to work) I was sweating my ass off thanks to 95 degree weather in October and realllyyy could have used a freezing cold drink. My mind berated me for neglecting the perfect beverage inside but I pushed in the clutch and started my car.

I got back to work and chugged my water bottle. Having something to drink helped stop the mental ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-why-the-fuck-aren’t-you-drinking-a-monster. After the Pride event I went to the happy hour we’d planned and got myself a glass of cranberry juice because it’s sober fricken October and I can’t drink.

But I got home after hanging with my friends and making new connections feeling really good about myself. I had planned on only one soda and no alcohol and I stuck to that plan. Permanent Roomate was out playing ultimate Frisbee so I curled up with the dogs for a forced snuggle (Moose was rather begrudgingly included but he was there!). That wasn’t a part of my regular after-work habits but something I decided when I got home. Normally I’d be changing into gym clothes and leaving. Instead I created a moment of joy by doing something new. I’m always so focused on getting my daily tasks complete that I forget that happiness is supposed to be there too. Thanks to some crappy brain chemicals happiness isn’t an oft-felt emotion for me. I need to be more intentional with small moments that make me happier and more relaxed.

Yesterday morning on the Start Today Morning Show the topic was habits and Rachel mentioned a book called The Power of Habit. Super unique name, I know. But apparently it talks about how our daily habits influence our lives in ways we don’t realize. I was able to get a copy at my nearby library this afternoon! It’s pretty long but I’m interested to see what the author has to say. I’m finally finished a 400 page novel for Indie Reviewer so I can spend my mornings reading that and doing Morning Pages (anyone fans of The Artist’s Way??) instead of slugging through a novel with too much back story.

My post on Saturday will include a piece I wrote in college. See you then!